Thursday, October 18, 2007

What is next?

Everyday is getting worse and worse.  I don’t want to even think about how the year is going to end. 

Yesterday, I got in “trouble” for sending home a project in cursive. It blew up into this huge situation.  It was only after proving myself that I got any kind of support.  When I confronted the parent who started this whole thing, she told me that it wasn’t really about me.  So, I got blamed for something that isn’t even about me.  I don’t believe a word she says and I think all the parents are out to get me. They are talking about me behind my back and being nice to me when they see me.  I feel like screaming just stop being so fake and tell me what you think I’m doing wrong rather than telling everyone else. 

All I want to do is to give this children a good education.  I’m trying to give them all the individualized attention that they need, which is difficult with children who aren’t reading on grade level.  It’s amazing how if you can’t read, you can’t be successful in any subject really. 

I know there is a reason why I have the really really low children and I know there is a reason why I got all the children of the parents who are always in the building watching me.  My principal knew exactly what she was doing, I’m just not sure how I’m going to be able to make it until the end of the year because I am so stressed out.

The other day, a parent come into my room unannounced.  She was out of breath from running to the room (trying not to get caught, I’m sure) to give me a notice which everyone else had placed in their mailboxes.  She came up to talk to me, without any warning while I am teaching.  It is totally inappropriate.  The only reason why she left without talking to me is because there was a fire drill (perfect timing). 

Not to mention the other teachers on my grade are just doing there own thing and aren’t sharing what they are doing.  Apparently they aren’t teaching math properly from what I heard today.  It’s just all too much for one year. I’m too stressed out.

I had a break down last night when I got home.  My boyfriend said I should talk to the principal, but I don’t want her to think I can’t handle myself this year.  Instead I spoke with the coaches.  My literacy coach came into my room today to give a lesson.  It was amazing and so much high level thinking work.  My math coach said she’d come in next week.  They said I need to use them and any questions, I have to ask them.  They said I’m doing everything I’m supposed to and I shouldn’t race to keep up with everyone else.  All the children learn at different paces and the parents need to understand that and I shouldn’t worry about parents so much.  So I felt better after we talked. 

Then, when I was leaving school, someone told me that the principal wants to speak with my grade about working together. So now I’m worried about this.  I wonder if the coaches said something to her, I wonder if she saw something she didn’t like, or maybe parents are complaining about something.  I don’t want to get blamed for not sharing because I tell them what I do, I offered to plan with anyone who wanted to.  This meeting is just going to be bad, I can feel it.  I’m just not sure what kind of turn this meeting will take.

The good thing is tomorrow is Friday. I just have to make it through one more day. 

Posted at on 10/18 at 07:09 PM

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