October 21, 2007

A new week

Friday, I have two informal meetings with my principal.  The first one was to add someone to extended day and we got to talking about everything that has been going on this year with my parents and some of my students.  I left feeling a lot better about things.  I asked her about the grade meeting I was hearing about and she said she wants to talk to us on Monday.  Apparently parents are complaining that different classes are doing different things.  She just thinks with the parents we are dealing with this year, it’s best to not do that.

I had a feeling where this was coming from.  I gave a read aloud essay and science quiz and the other classes didn’t. They gave out a social studies project and I didn’t.  I explained to my principal that I didn’t think it was a good idea to give the social studies essay to my class.  They are having a lot of difficulty with the topics and they don’t understand it well enough to do a project.  I really think it would be to much. I felt that a science quiz was important because they need to know the meaning of the words for our state test and the read aloud essay was like ELA practice.  So my principal didn’t seem to have a problem with anything I said.  She just wants to be sure we are all on the same page.  She thinks if we can’t agree on project we shouldn’t send it home.  So basically projects and tests will be lessened as the year goes on, if i had to guess.

The second meeting was about a parent who decided to come to my classroom again to be sure her son had everything he needs.  I can’t take it.  So I complained.  I tried working with them, but they are making my year like hell, they won’t be coming to my room for anything. I was told to send a note to the office or call the office if I see her and someone will come up and ask her to make an appointment to speak with me.  They also have to watch better to make sure she’s not sneaking up after she gets into the building.

So both of my meetings went well and I really walked away feeling much better.  I think coaches must have told her I was stressing out. 

Now we have to wait and see what this week has in store for me. 

October 18, 2007

What is next?

Everyday is getting worse and worse.  I don’t want to even think about how the year is going to end. 

Yesterday, I got in “trouble” for sending home a project in cursive. It blew up into this huge situation.  It was only after proving myself that I got any kind of support.  When I confronted the parent who started this whole thing, she told me that it wasn’t really about me.  So, I got blamed for something that isn’t even about me.  I don’t believe a word she says and I think all the parents are out to get me. They are talking about me behind my back and being nice to me when they see me.  I feel like screaming just stop being so fake and tell me what you think I’m doing wrong rather than telling everyone else. 

All I want to do is to give this children a good education.  I’m trying to give them all the individualized attention that they need, which is difficult with children who aren’t reading on grade level.  It’s amazing how if you can’t read, you can’t be successful in any subject really. 

I know there is a reason why I have the really really low children and I know there is a reason why I got all the children of the parents who are always in the building watching me.  My principal knew exactly what she was doing, I’m just not sure how I’m going to be able to make it until the end of the year because I am so stressed out.

The other day, a parent come into my room unannounced.  She was out of breath from running to the room (trying not to get caught, I’m sure) to give me a notice which everyone else had placed in their mailboxes.  She came up to talk to me, without any warning while I am teaching.  It is totally inappropriate.  The only reason why she left without talking to me is because there was a fire drill (perfect timing). 

Not to mention the other teachers on my grade are just doing there own thing and aren’t sharing what they are doing.  Apparently they aren’t teaching math properly from what I heard today.  It’s just all too much for one year. I’m too stressed out.

I had a break down last night when I got home.  My boyfriend said I should talk to the principal, but I don’t want her to think I can’t handle myself this year.  Instead I spoke with the coaches.  My literacy coach came into my room today to give a lesson.  It was amazing and so much high level thinking work.  My math coach said she’d come in next week.  They said I need to use them and any questions, I have to ask them.  They said I’m doing everything I’m supposed to and I shouldn’t race to keep up with everyone else.  All the children learn at different paces and the parents need to understand that and I shouldn’t worry about parents so much.  So I felt better after we talked. 

Then, when I was leaving school, someone told me that the principal wants to speak with my grade about working together. So now I’m worried about this.  I wonder if the coaches said something to her, I wonder if she saw something she didn’t like, or maybe parents are complaining about something.  I don’t want to get blamed for not sharing because I tell them what I do, I offered to plan with anyone who wanted to.  This meeting is just going to be bad, I can feel it.  I’m just not sure what kind of turn this meeting will take.

The good thing is tomorrow is Friday. I just have to make it through one more day. 

October 16, 2007

A happy moment....

The highlight of my day...when one of my students gave me a ceramic pumpkin jar that she made at camp.  She said she had to give it to me because I’m such a great teacher. 

The down fall of the day...After responding to a book, I told my class to color in a picture of a house with their hopes and dreams and things they love to do, and one of them drew a shark eating one of my other students, another one drew a huge riffle, and other students drew swords and stuff from video games and proceeded to write about the game and talking about fighting and killing.  All of this after reminding them to make sure that they are doing things that are school appropriate.  Ugh...I’m done. 

October 14, 2007

Going to be a good week

I am so prepared this week.  I have the science quiz graded (which was painful, but the class average ended up being a 76, so it could be worse).  I have my week planned out.  I have the schedule put up for the the week and spelling words that are ready to be copied.  I made copies of my reading logs and copies for a reading essay that I am having the kids do.  I think I’m going to put off the math test until next week.  I don’t want to stress them out that much.  This week I’ll make up the test. 

I even have halloween baggies made up. Inside the cutest little candy corn bags, you will find a little bean bag bat that my aunt made for each of my students, a pencil, an eraser, pretzels and a bat ring. I’m so happy with it. I feel so prepared, it’s only a couple of weeks away.

Maybe school is starting to get a little better. 

October 09, 2007

Is it the weekend yet?

On Friday at 3pm, I got to my mailbox and see that there are people who are coming to my room to watch me do a lesson 4 or 5th period for like 15 minutes today.  I knew they couldn’t come in 4th period because that is lunch.  So I stress out all weekend with that I’m going to do.  I figure out the math lesson, but I still need to make copies and put manipulatives together and get the charts together.  So I get to school at 7:20am.  I get stuff together until 8am, when my kids come in. I then spend my entire lunch period stressing out and getting the rest of it together.  THEY NEVER SHOW!!!  Actually they do show, while my kids are at lunch.  I thought they were coming back, but they didn’t.  So no big deal, my lesson was amazing and I have more crap to put up on the walls.  It’s better that they didn’t show.  I don’t particularly want someone watching me teach or asking me questions about what I am doing or how I assess the kids.  It’s just frustrating that I was stressing out over nothing. 

So I stay at work late.  I make up sub plans because my staff developer will be here tomorrow and I am working with him first and second period according to the schedule.  I also found out today that I am going to Columbia University on Thursday for a workshop.  So I need to leave plans for that as well.  I also put up the work that my class did during math which came out amazing.  I get my stuff together and I go to the office getting ready to leave.  Oh no...wait...my principal needs to speak with me.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!  Apparently she wants this guy who didn’t come to my room today for math to come to my room tomorrow for writing. It’s not really to see me though, or so she says.  She wants him to see how the SETTS teacher works with one of my kids in writing.  This is going to be a disaster.  I told her that was fine, but it was just going to be a lesson on collecting ideas or writing an entry in our notebooks trying to get more stories down.  She said it was fine.  Now I have to look over my notes and figure out exactly the way I want to teach the lesson. 

It’s amazing the things that go on in a school.  I really don’t need this extra stress when I have kids in my class that can’t read or write.  I don’t need people coming into my room stressing me and the kdis out.  I really just want to be left alone.  This extra crap is not about teaching.  It ends up taking away from what I do in my day and takes away from the teaching. 

September 27, 2007

call me stupid

This extended day being changed to the morning is driving me crazy.  I lose 20 minutes everyday preparing for the day and I forget that Fridays are a late start and I get stupid and make appointments to meet with parents at 7:45am.  Ugh, this is the second week that I did that on Friday.  So tomorrow, I have to be at school at 7:30am to ensure that I am ready to meet the parent at 7:45am when my day starts at 8:40am.  I’m just stupid. 

Not to mentioned I was at work until 5pm today.  I need to not be working so much.  I’m really going to go out and enjoy myself this weekend.

September 24, 2007

13 days goodbye

Every have one of those days, where you felt like your head will explode?  Ever have one of those days where you wish your head would actually explode?

I’m having a rough time with school this year.  I changed each of my kids seats so now all of the children who can’t read are now sitting next to someone who can and will read to them if they need help.  I’m hoping this will help with making sure everyone is on task.  It also may lessen the number of questions I get asked each day.  We’ll see this works. 

I can’t seem to keep track of the children who are leaving the room for special help. I feel like I never have my class with me at the same time.  Not to mention I have to keep track of the work they missed to ensure that they will make it up.  It’s too much for my head to keep track of.  I have too many kids getting too many services.  It’s too much for me to handle.

The thing today which really sent me over the edge is one of my parents. She’s up my ass and I can’t handle it.  First she wants the schedule for each day because she wants to stalk her child in the school, but tells me that all the parents are going to be asking for it.  I just kind of look at her like she’s out of her freaking mind and tell her that her son is welcome to write the schedule for her.  So the next day, I have children asking me for the schedule.  So I decide to just give in to her and make copies of the schedule, only I can’t because the copier is broken.  It’s finally been fixed today, but I forgot to do it. I’ll have to put it on my to do list for tomorrow, since Wednesday parents are coming in to learn all about our curriculum.  I’m sure they will be asking for it, as the pain in the ass mom will make sure of it!  It should be so much fun.  It’s a place where parents are against the teachers.  Rather than working with us and realizing that we are here to help your children to learn and look out for the best interest of your children, you are out to get us.  It’s a crazy environment and I think it has actually driven me insane.  Anyway, back to what pissed me off today.  Back in the first week of school, I sent home a note asking parents to give me their address, phone number and email to be on a class list.  So children can use this list when they are absent or forgot their homework.  I got it back from everyone but one child.  So I, or actually my boyfriend, typed up the information and I made copies and handed it out. Each child got one, including the child of the parent who is up my ass.  Today in my mail box is the same class list which I typed up and sent home last week, this time with parents association written on the top and on the bottom it has the parent who must have done this listed as the class parent.  I’m looking at this thinking, what the f...?  Is she kidding me right now?  She took it and retyped it and now wants me to send it home to the parents again?  What was wrong with mine, not good enough?  That is so rude!  So I didn’t send it home today.  I’m sure she must be pissed.  This is a parent who keeps a binder of all the notices her kid receives from school, so she can reference something if someone screws up.  Not to mention, one of my students informed me that the notices that I send home are being tracked to make sure that I am handing out what I should be.  It’s the kids job to bring the notices home so they make sure that the school and myself are on top of things.  Yeah, it’s going to be a great year. 

I mean really is it not stressful enough, with a class of about 5 children who can’t read????  Half the class who is struggling???  Now I have to worry about notices?  13 school days and I’m ready for summer vacation, there is something seriously wrong with this picture. 

September 09, 2007

New attitude and a new week (a three day week!)

I really tried to put things into perspective this weekend.  My class may struggle academically, but they get along socially.  I don’t feel like at this point, I’m going to have any behavior problems.  They really are nice, polite, fun loving children.  I guess I just have to figure out what their weaknesses are and do what I can to move them up to the next level. 

It was very painful this weekend trying to grade their writing pieces, although, I didn’t teach into anything and they only had four days to come up with a published piece.  So you can’t expect fabulous work. 

It did shock me a little when I realized on Friday one of my students wasn’t able to read..."enjoy your weekend.” Maybe by next weekend she will.  I really have to stay focused and stay positive or else I really will have a miserable year.  I don’t want that for myself or my students.

September 06, 2007

Is it too soon to count down to the last day of school?

Today wasn’t any better.  I’m actually starting to lose it.  It’s only been three days but it feels like an eternity.

September 05, 2007

stressed

I am totally stressed out.  I’ve never felt this way two days into the school year.  I just don’t get it. I’ve been teaching for four years now and this is my third year in fourth grade.  I have crap all over my classroom. My books are a complete mess and I can’t even see the bottom of my desk or have any idea the crap that is on my desk.  I don’t have their names written anywhere.  I don’t have my charts up in my classroom yet.  I haven’t picked a line leader, I haven’t given out class jobs, I didn’t assign line spots or carpet spots.  My computers aren’t hooked up yet.  I lost my grading book that I just bought.  I collected notices and I didn’t write down the kids I still need to get stuff from.  They keep bringing in supplies for the classroom use and I ran out of room so they are scattered all over the classroom, thrown where ever.  This is crazy, I am not usually like this.  I am blaming it on the new schedule this year.  I am losing 20 minutes in the morning.  It’s amazing the things I got done in those 20 minutes.  I feel like I’m busier this year than any other year, but why am I so far behind? 

I think I’m trying to do too much during the day.  As it was today, I didn’t have time to do my science lesson or finish my math lesson.  I think part of it is because of the pace that my class is working though.  Not to mention half my class didn’t do my math homework last night correctly.  It was like I had to reteach the lesson and give the same homework over again.  This is going to be a long year.  I need for this week to just end.  I can’t take it anymore. 

It’s not all bad, really it’s not.  I just need to get organized.  I need to really go in early and stay late and bring more stuff home to do.  It will all work out.  (I hope)

The highlight of my day today was that one of my students who seems to be unhappy ALL of the time, actually seemed to smile a little today.  He even raised his hand and participated.  Day two and no one has cried!